Understanding different economic models, let alone explaining them concisely, has always been a major challenge. Until now. This very amusing email has been doing the rounds, and may help our readers appreciate the subtle differences - using cows.

Customer:     "I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?"

Operator:     "Where did you get that number from, sir?" 


Customer:     "It was on the door to the Travel Centre."


Operator:     "Sir, they are our opening hours." 

 


We've been sent these gems which illustrate that, just sometimes, it's not the call centre's fault that misunderstandings arise.

The financial crisis has led to some black humour appearing on the internet. According to one email doing the rounds, in the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

“So what is it this time? Are we going to run out of petrol by lunchtime? Has the price of apples gone bananas? Is some busybody complaining about me employing my grandfather as a research assistant, God rest his soul.”

Mature Times editor Tony Watts listens in on a conversation at the Ministry. 

You settle down in your favourite armchair, raise a glass to your lips and... "bring, bring"... it's your favourite evening caller... someone with an inpenetrable accent trying to sell you something you really, really don't want.

Once you have enough food to fill your stomach, clothes to keep you warm and dry and a roof over your head, you will need some essential information to ensure you survive until the following day - such as:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I don’t know about you, writes Mature Times Editor Tony Watts, but I’m getting worried about all this talk of people having children into their 50s, 60s and even beyond.